So last Sunday kind of sucked. I thought I worked 10-3, but instead worked 9-6.
Fortunately nobody cares about me, so no one called me in or wrote me up.
I was quite happy about going into work, which is unusual because it is a grocery store and nobody I know is ever happy to spend their weekends there working. But they don't have Sweet Cheeks to look forward to.
So I'm working. And working. And complaining. And working. No Sweet Cheeks.
Hmm. few hours later, still no Sweet Cheeks sighting.
...something terrible has happened to him. I just know it. He's laid up in the hospital. Dying in an alleyway. What else could keep the love of my life away from his food??
I tell this all to Meat Guy when we're on break. He says he doesn't like the name Sweet Cheeks. Or Jawline. Meat Guy says I should call Sweet Cheeks Manjaw. Cause Manjaw is a thousand times more manly than Sweet Cheeks. I sorta agree but haven't decided as yet to comply. I kinda love Sweet Cheeks.
Break is over. It was over probably 20 mins ago but nobody cares about me so nobody noticed I was gone for that long.
I am dashing back to my department when I nearly run over a customer.
Sweet Cheeks! He tugs his white cap back over his beautiful hair and pushes his cart on.
I giggle inside and float back to my department.
Back in my department Demo lady is feeding me. I tell her that when the guy in the white baseball cap comes her way she must pull him over to her and feed him too. I shall go back to my side of the aisle and stare at his butt while she does this.
The plan is set. What could go wrong?
I am facing my product on the shelf when I sneak a peek at the Demo lady. She mouths to me that she thinks he is coming over. Then she starts flailing her arms and twisting her head. I think maybe she is having a heart attack. But no, it is much worse than that:
There is not 1, but 4 men coming towards our area of the store. And they are all wearing white baseball caps.
Demo lady is confused. Demo lady is overwhelmed. She doesn't know which cap is her target.
The universe officially hates me. I can think of no other reason it would deprive me of great ass.
Demo lady feeds me some more while I try to point out the real Sweet Cheeks. She checks him out but is not impressed. I think she is insane but she says she is into short stubby Asians. Which is why she is dating Demo guy. I had no idea. Adorable.
Manager on Duty, Milk Man, comes by and I tell him he needs to help me. I point out the real Sweet Cheeks and tell Milk Man he needs to find out if this customer is single. Milk Man says no. I tell him he is standing in the way of true love. Milk Man says he is divorced and bitter and does not believe in true love and that I shouldn't either. I want to cry.
I decide that desperate times call for desperate measures. Next Sunday is Easter and we will be closed. I will not see Sweet Cheeks for another 2 weeks. I run into the backroom and find the store manager. Baldy. I ask Baldy how he feels about true love and what he would be willing to do for it. He says, "I don't know, I mean, I love my daughter and stuff, I-" Stop. Enough about you, this is about me. I need you to help me find true love, I need him to find out if Sweet Cheeks is single and ready to mingle. This is how it will go:
Baldy: Excuse me sir, but I think your girlfriend is looking for you!
Sweet Cheeks will answer: Nah man, I don't have a girlfriend!
And the universe will love me again.
Baldy agrees! Show me where he is he says. I grab Baldy and bring him out of the back room onto the sales floor. I point to where the white cap is standing... and it is the wrong white cap. My white capped Sweet Cheeks is gone.
Baldy leaves.
Demo Lady feeds me again.
Milk Man says love is dead.
It will be 2 weeks before I ever see my Sweet Cheeks again.
